Find the origin of your low self-esteem
It never ceases to amaze how many authors start right off giving advice. What’s the point of trying to fix something that you don’t know where it’s broken?Self-esteem problems usually develop during childhood and their causes can be very different. But if you don’t know them you will never be able to work on the origin of your fears!
Having formed in childhood, the lack of self-esteem has been created by a child’s perspective and is surely skewed. Since you couldn’t understand what was really going on, it’s very helpful to go back to its source and rethink your beliefs.
To find the origin of your low self-esteem and put your beliefs on trial, ask yourself at least three times why:
Why am I afraid of meeting new people? Because they will ignore me.
Why do I think they will ignore me? Because I’m not interesting.
Why do I think I’m not interesting? Because when I was little they told me that I never spoke.
You are afraid of meeting people because you think you will not know what to say. But if you finally realize that the important thing to meet people is not to talk, but to listen, you will probably start to overcome that fear.
Try even if you know you are going to fail
Now that you are knowing the origin of your low self-esteem, here are the psychological keys that will increase your self-confidence.Even if everything you read below is false and hasn’t proven to be effective, putting it into practice would still make you feel better.The reason is that it has been empirically shown that the main enemy of our self-esteem is simply not doing anything.
When we feel threatened, our instinct is to look for escape routes because we believe that this will reduce our anxiety. That is why when you feel fear or discouragement, instead of directly facing them, you try to avoid them.
And it is logical: the moment you decide to avoid what worries you, you notice an immediate feeling of relief. The problem is that this behavior can end up becoming a habit.
Because how do you think you will end up feeling in the medium term? Avoiding what you fear and acting like a coward is not something you can be proud of, and that closes the damn circle of low self-esteem again. That’s why the more you avoid what worries you, the worse you’ll feel about yourself.
The good news is that science has also proven that self-esteem does not depend on the result of your actions. It just depends on what you do. It increases when you face circumstances, and decreases when you avoid them. As simple as that.
In other words, not trying is the worst of failures. Stay hidden without exposing yourself to anything for fear of failure and you will end up feeling like a failure.Self-esteem does not depend on what you get, but on what you try. Only by facing your fears will you be able to break this vicious circle.
Replace your goals with values
You need something solid. Something that allows you to keep going when you feel tired, anxious, depressed or discouraged. Something so powerful that it motivates you to get out of your comfort zone to expose yourself to what you fear:
“You will be guided by your values”.
Values are our most fundamental definition, our roadmap. They give us direction when we think we’re getting lost and give us energy to keep fighting.Imagine you were training to finish a marathon. Your values would probably be effort, perseverance, self-improvement, and the ability to sacrifice, right?
Think wisely. Even if in the end you were not able to finish the marathon, by making an effort and sacrificing yourself you would still be able to remain faithful to your values. Unlike goals, your values will always be there for you to achieve and feel proud of yourself.
Thanks to your values you can also get a boost in self-esteem when you need it most. Remember how positive self-affirmations don’t work when they’re false? What would happen if you remembered your values instead?
Every time you have to face a challenge, take out your list of values, choose one, and for a couple of minutes remind yourself why it is important to you. It will increase your self-esteem and protect you from anxiety.
Identify your true strengths
In addition to your values, to build your self-esteem you need to convince yourself that there is something good in you. We all have strong points, the problem is that people with low self-esteem do not know how to identify them (while narcissists find them in excess).
To find your strengths, think of achievements that you have achieved in your life, such as finishing your degree while working, learning to cook alone or seducing your partner. If it’s hard for you to find them, it’s because you’re not being generous with yourself, so imagine that this success had been achieved by a friend, what would you say? How would you recognize it?
Then think about what positive personal characteristics are necessary to achieve each of them. In the previous examples it could be perseverance, curiosity and initiative. These are your strengths.
Whenever you feel judged or questioned, mentally go through your list of strengths and remember where they came from. It is scientifically proven that this way you will feel more confident about yourself.
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