Women -and sometimes men- suffer when breakup occurs, but they have a particularity to this hurting; start seeking how to be cured of the emotional pain that comes with it. You are hiding in the office bathroom, pulling out layer after layer of toilet paper to keep your sobs off, your face is red and your eyes are full of little veins. The bad news is that officially he/she broke your heart.

Breakups usually imply some kind of emotional imbalance

The good news is that you are not alone; nobody is immune to a broken heart. No matter how beautiful, rich, and successful you are; sometimes, relationships do not work out at all. So we must think of a broken heart as a necessary evil. Without it, you would probably still be the insecure freckled schoolboy or the cocky college football player who was only happy with 3 liters of beer inside. Or even worse, with someone from the office who hid you that he/she was already committed and married.

The only thing you can do is trying to overcome these moments, with the greatest dignity and the least amount of melancholy, that make you be depressed.

Depths of despair

This is your moment and it is understandable. You have “carte blanche” to whine and sob in this phase. It is not the time to quickly overcome it or try to avoid the pain, you could make this even worse if you do not let your feelings out.

You can end up by doing something really bad, for example, some rude comment on Facebook or try to sleep with another one immediately after that, in the end, will make you feel even worse than before.

How do you feel?

Many feelings come to our mind when we get depressed before a breakup of a relationship

In shock – Even though you have assumed the reality of not being part of a relationship, it will be a blow to your system.

Incredulous – You will not feel that it is real. Maybe forget it for a moment, before you remember it from nowhere, like a blow to the stomach.

Desperate – You will ask yourself how you can fix it and if you should try.

Alone – Even if you have a solid group of friends, you will believe that you lost your identity because you are no longer one part of a pair.

Hurt but in the process of healing

After a week of sadness, it is time to take care of your feelings instead of sinking more into them. Start by thinking about your role in the relationship, were you passive or aggressive? A rug or a boss? Once again you will get to know your part in the breakup; it will make you more aware of what you want from here on. Every time you say, “I will never meet another one like him/her”, thinks again that he/she was not as perfect as you thought.

Control demons inside

Get rid of those negative thoughts. Write a letter explaining how to hurt you are. Take out all your good and bad memories; sign them; then burn them. This is immensely cathartic.

Start watching a TV series that you enjoy, in order to distract your mind

Make a list of all your negative thoughts, like for example “I can never start something with someone new”, and then reflect on how to make them less extreme: “for now I feel I cannot start something with someone new”. It is a small change, but the feeling is totally different.

The Time Tunnel

There is no magic formula for knowing how long it will take you to feel completely healed, especially when the relationship lasted more than 12 months. You must go through the first anniversary of all Christmas, birthdays, etc., by yourself.

Learning to trust and be vulnerable takes its cycle: Then, you are renewed

It is time to resume your security. It is in this phase after the breakup that excessive kilos can be shredded and then your appearance is positively transformed. Also, try some other kinds of changes for boosting your self-esteem.

Relate and share moments with others

Social relationships will help you overcome the pain

Accept going to social events. Going out is healthy. Organize your time with your friends. You are used to someone available to meet immediately, while your friends have their own plans, so to avoid feeling rejected, schedule plans with them in advance.

Beware of the hairdresser – A change of look is tempting, but an extreme cut will make things even worse. Better just let it gain shape naturally.

Change your style – Buy a new garment and try it on.

Crush the ex – Do things that he/she never wanted to do; visit galleries; enjoy honey-loving movies. After all, the remote control is yours.

Changes in your bed – Buy yourself some new bed sheets or you will always have the image of his/her hairy feet coming out of them. Reconquer your territory.

When you can tell your story without spilling tears, then you will know that you have already healed inside

Be always strong – Congratulations! You have come a long way since you cried in that office bathroom and now you are on a new track. Remember it is good to upload your self-esteem for embarking on new relationship paths.