What is a cycle?
It is the compilation of moments lived, impregnated with feelings, pleasant or not, to which we become attached.
Why can’t we close cycles?
The problem is that our mind is trapped in past moments that make up cycles to which we should no longer belong, slowing down our own progress and truncating the present. All of this is called attachment, which is the affective bond that ties us to things or people, often meaninglessly.
It is not about forgetting, but about discovering the evolution within oneself in order to continue moving forward despite the loss suffered. When this happens we begin to remember with affection, but not with necessity, we can thank for what was and not suffer for what is no longer, we manage to assimilate the loss as an experience to grow and learn, not as a fall that made us weaker.
When do we confuse closing a cycle with avoiding it?
When we begin to think of the lost person or situation as something alien to us, something that is no longer part of this world or that will no longer exist, it is an escape, through which we can neither advance nor be, it will only make us believe that by thinking that it died and that today we are new people without the need to cry or reflect, we will be fine again, when it is not.
For psychology, although it is a scientific study of human behavior, the effect that other types of influences have on the mind is also important, for example, rituals, techniques, procedures or beliefs about cycles and their closure. That is why sometimes, a series of steps that involve remembering and suffering, help a lot to forgive, detach and heal; the mind is very powerful and if you think of healing, you will get healing.
As cruel as it may seem, we must remember everything we lived in that moment that now hurts, it is impossible for all memories to be negative, so we must learn from what happened, accept what happened and do not pretend to forget it. If we only focus on forgetting, anxiety will eat away at us, bringing back pain and suffering.
2. Forgive yourself
We self-judge and punish ourselves all the time, and unfairly, we regret what we never imagined. Curiously, we should focus on being empathic with ourselves, on trying to take care of our partner one day, on understanding each other as we understood all those who also made mistakes and above all, on recognizing the successes we had. Only in this way will we be able to close the door that no one else will enter.
It sounds easy enough, but achieving it requires an apology that sometimes never comes, therefore, learning not to hold grudges becomes a purely personal job and on the other hand, we have to understand that the other, most likely, still has a major resentment.
It is impossible for you to find an explanation or answer to all the questions that come to your head. The human being tries to rationalize everything in his path, leading him to suppose and therefore to suffer, so trying to answer all the question marks that arise from a loss or abandonment will not diminish in any way what we feel.
Simply, sometimes not everything is fair or logical and we have to learn to live with it, clinging to wanting to understand exactly what happened and the reason why it happened, it will only wear us out uncontrollably, taking all the strength that we have left to close the cycle indeed. Don’t be overwhelmed by what you don’t know, let it go.
There are things that are out of our control, do not try to change them because an immense frustration will come to you. The best way to accept what has already happened to us is to stop thinking about different possibilities. Stop thinking about ‘What if I had…? What if…? It would be possible that…?”. Time does not return, what is done is done.
In order to completely detach yourself from the negative feeling, you need to live it, that is, you need to approach a mourning. Elizabeth Kubler Ross lists very clearly and simply the steps that all mourning entails, this process requires time and it is necessary to allow ourselves to have patience to live all its stages:
In no specific order, all these stages will appear while we live our mourning, they are completely normal and from them an impressive fortress resurfaces.
Sometimes you win more when you lose
It is very common to feel that when we break up with our ex, get away from a loved one, fight with a friend, let our pet go, or suffer any loss that involves feelings, our joy and illusion is also lost. , affection, confidence and satisfaction in life. We become attached to what we lost and we believe that this is the only source of our joy, that thanks to it we felt certain things and that for the same reason, we could only feel it with it.
However, those feelings were generated within you, from there they sprouted, they did not come from the outside. You are the one who decides to let them out and who sets certain requirements to let you do it. How painful or incredible your next cycle is will depend on how open you are to new doors opening and therefore new opportunities entering them.