Being “separated parents” is imposed as a new social category to which it is necessary to pay attention. Establishing clear agreements with respect, love and firmness in relation to the children implies the idea that both parents agree on what they consider best for them.
“Taking into account a series of behaviors that allow configuring the space of the child and that of the separated parents can be a great help, the psychological or pedagogical supports, therapy for avoiding the rupture of family ties.
Children should feel that neither parent will abandon them even if they are separated. Assuring that although the relationship as a couple has already ended, the link parent-child between them will always be protected. The child needs to have the image of each parent intact. Strengthening actions so that the child feels that they can love both of them and that he is not judged for expressing words of affection towards one of his parents.
Do not put them as witnesses in situations generated by adults, such as fights and conflicts
Signs to identify if it is time to start family therapy, for example are avoiding putting them as arbitrators or messengers, bear in mind that everything that is done to harm each other as a former partner hurts the child.
If the ex-partners belittles, insults the other in front of the child, this harms them psychologically.
The difficult task of ending toxic relationships, adults have to understand that beyond the ex-partner issues that they have unresolved, for the child they are their parents and need them both.
Remember and keep in mind that spending quality time with the children is a right, not a privilege of either parent, since children need both of them.
Avoid placing him in situations where he has to choose between one parent and the other.
Facilitate the expressions of the children, since sometimes when they return from the house of one of the parents they express anger and crying. That is the expression of their sadness.
Parents’ disagreement generates tension in their children, which is why they can manifest distraction at school, sometimes bad behavior and attention deficit problem, lack or excess of appetite, lack of interest in school and extracurricular activities, general demotivation, lightheadedness, respiratory, digestive problems, headaches, etc.
Get in touch with the school counselors to accompany the process, find ways of communication between the school and the “separated parents”.
Avoid excessive messaging when a child is with the other parent, since this creates tension, establishing communication agreements as mature adults is essential for children to gradually adapt to changes. It is a priority to comply with the agreed agreement to share time with the children.
Avoid using the children as spies to find out what one or the other parent is doing. This action gives the child the feeling of having failed one or the other.
Using your children as an instrument of revenge is the only thing that is achieved is to fill the child with resentment.
Remember that the child who accepts that the parents no longer love each other, only wants them to respect each other, since they loves them both equally.
These are just some of the points to consider in this learning of being “separated parents”, this new social category needs a careful analysis by all members of the social group.