Casual sex, misinterpreted signs of drugs and alcohol, etc… Everyone plays a role on this confusing form of sexual assault.

Here we bring you what you should know about something that some call “gray rape”. A gray rape occurs when a woman does not want to have sex without her consent.

It has become so common these days that it has earned a nickname: gray rape. It refers to the sex that falls between consent and denial and is something even more confusing than rape in a date, because often neither of them is sure who wanted that.

And it is a surprisingly frequent fact. The United States Department of Justice estimates that 1 out of every 5 university students is raped during a period of 5 years of studies; the victim knows the assailant, and that half of the victims do not call it a violation of what happened. In general, 62% of rape victims know their assailant (companions, friends, casual liaisons).

Many rape victims are just silenced by their closest relatives and friends

Many experts consider that the gray rape is usually a consequence of the current culture: many parties flirting, excess of alcohol and, ironically, the idea that women can be as daring and adventurous in sex as men. How is it possible that something that potentially gives you so much power can hurt you so much?

Blurred boundaries

A generation ago it was easier for men and women to realize what a rape was, because the social rules are clearer. Supposedly, men were the ones looking for women, and they wanted a serious relationship, not just sex.

But those norms have been erased and now many women believe that it is perfectly acceptable to go out to find a sexual adventure or to be the initiator, which can go well unless the signals are confused or read wrongly.

How is the gray rape?

Some girls on a business trip met a man in the lobby of the hotel where they were staying and ended up at a party then returned to the hotel. On the way the baso passionately. They had a few more drinks at the hotel bar, and then he asks if he wants to go to his room to see some family photos.

She accompanied him, but after a few minutes, he told her he had to leave. Then the subject in bed and according to the girl sexually assault. She struggled to escape and reported the incident to the police, but did not make accusations. Later he began to work on a documentary about rape and in the process of interviewing the victims, he discovered that many felt that they had contributed in some way to what happened.

Subconsciously, victims often feel ashamed on themselves

As they thought they were or should be in control of their bodies and their bodies, they said things like: I should have done this or I should not have fallen into this situation. But they also said: if they had respected I would not have done it.

In cases of gray rape it is much easier for a woman to blame herself than in the other more clear cases of rape. If I had not gone to that party, that did not open for me or if I did not have that top so revealing and I would not have approached that handsome boy.

“She wanted to”…

The strange thing about the current culture of equal opportunity for sexual adventures is that many men feel uncomfortable and confused when a date ends in bed.

Alcohol factor

The situation is further aggravated by alcohol, which is always part of the equation. Excessive drinking is a key factor in sexual assaults, and the drinking habits of young women have reached almost to the levels of men. That makes them more vulnerable when they insist on having sex.

Women’s self-esteem in that age is very close to the perception that men have of them and part of dealing with this social anxiety is to take it out of the mind with alcohol or drugs.

Secondary effects

The psychological effects of what a victim felt for years “I still panic that a man is on me and I feel restricted by his body, even if we are just caressing” confess the victims of gray rape. Some girls stop working to take care of their studies, adopt unhealthy eating habits, go to drugs or try to commit suicide. Others immediately seek new sexual partners. They think that only in this way they prove that the assault does not affect them.

Many psychologists think that the first step is to recognize the dangers of a very bold attitude when it comes to dating and sex.