Moving to a new country can be an exciting adventure for a child. But this transition often comes with a unique set of challenges that will influence your daily life. Expat children often have to deal with a world that is very different from their own. In addition to the complexities of growing up, they will have to adapt to new social situations.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, “one in five students reports being bullied.” And an expat child in a new school, surrounded by new people and different social norms, may be at even greater risk.
Understanding harassment in the expat context
Gelya Bend, a Hong Kong-based educator, psychologist and art therapist, explains: “Children who have leadership skills don’t need to do anything to become popular. A bully usually wants to establish some kind of power or authority, and in most of cases is motivated by seeking attention from their peers. Some children are trying to get their parents’ attention by causing problems at school. At the same time, ironically, bullied children, in most cases, stand out. in the crowd and are easily noticed. They may be different in their appearance, way of speaking and dressing, or their social or cultural status may differ. They attract more attention and sometimes become a target for pranks or pranks.
Challenges for expat children abroad
One of the most immediate challenges an expat child may face abroad is the language barrier. Not being fluent in the local language can make basic communication frustrating, not only in social interactions but also when following lessons at school or instructions in public places. This may be difficult for an adult, but imagine being a child surrounded by new things and not being able to express yourself or understand others.
Cultural differences complicate things even more. Every country and culture has its own set of unwritten rules. This can include how people dress, what is considered appropriate, how to express your emotions, and much more. For a young child, trying to navigate such differences in a new environment can be overwhelming. And then, your natural reactions and responses to certain situations may be perceived as strange or even inappropriate by your peers.
Many expat children will deal with feelings of isolation or being different. And it is “being different” that often makes social interactions very difficult for children living abroad. Even something as small as looking different from classmates can make a child a target for bullying or isolation. The feeling that they don’t quite fit in can slowly erode their self-esteem and make them not want to participate in social activities. Over time, this isolation can become deeper, affecting your emotional and mental health.
How to recognize that your expat child is being bullied
Bullying can often be an insidious force in a child’s life. And its signs, especially in the early stages, can be quite subtle. That said, there are several things parents should keep in mind:
Changes in habits: If a child who was previously outgoing and energetic suddenly withdraws from social interactions and becomes shy and insecure, this could be a warning sign that something is happening.
“Pay attention to mood swings. If your previously cheerful and talkative child becomes grumpy and quiet for no apparent reason, it’s a good time to ask about school. If he refuses to talk or tries to avoid answering, it could be It might be a good idea to contact the teacher to make sure everything is okay. Some kids want to figure it out on their own or feel humiliated talking about it, even with their parents, might help you better understand the situation,” she says. Gelya Bend, psychologist.
Low grades: If you notice that your child, who was previously diligent with schoolwork, begins to seem disinterested in his studies, careless with homework, and having difficulty concentrating, this could be another sign of bullying.
Physical symptoms: Your child may begin to complain of headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained ailments. These can be used as an excuse to not go to school or confront the bully. Or, they could be psychosomatic symptoms that signal emotional stress.
Loss of money and personal items: If your child suddenly starts losing toys, clothes, or money, this could be another sign of bullying.
Unexplained injuries: Finally, if the bullying becomes physical, you may notice that your child comes home with repeated, unexplained injuries such as bruises and scratches. They may be reluctant to explain the injuries and try to change the subject.
How to support an expat child who is being bullied or might be bullied
Knowing or even suspecting that your child is being bullied will be difficult for any parent. What can help is being prepared. Having an action strategy in place will allow parents to feel more in control and offer support to their children immediately.
Psychologist and educator Gelya Bend explains that there are a number of things parents can do to prevent their children from being bullied and to handle bullying situations if they have already occurred.
What parents should consider
At school: “Try to get to know the school culture and classroom environment. How different will your child be from the rest of the group? Do your expectations and values match the school’s policy? Will you feel comfortable taking your child to this school? Does the school administration seem approachable?”
After school: “Meet the parents and try to organize play dates with your child’s classmates so they have the opportunity to get to know each other better and make new friends. Being different can be difficult, but when people (adults) or children) come closer, they realize that there are more similarities than differences. Joining a parenting group could be a good opportunity to meet other families and allow them to get to know you better.”
At home: “Children are more likely to share what’s happening at school if they feel heard. Make sure you have enough time and space to listen to what your child has to say and try not to minimize their feelings or problems. Your life experience is not great; many things are new for them and they are learning to deal with frustrations and different social situations. It is important that your child feels safe to share with you and ask for help when they need it.
What if your child is the bully?
“If it turns out that your child is the bully, review your daily routine and see how much quality time you spend with him. Do you spend enough quality time together? Do you talk to him about your day and ask him about his? Another reason for the Aggressive behavior could be that the child’s needs are being neglected or that there is violence in the home (including verbal violence and a passive-aggressive communication style. In some cases, professional help is needed to examine family patterns and help cope). with this problem.”
When to seek professional help
“In some cases, when a child has been bullied for a long period of time, their behavior and personality traits may change. If they become anxious, avoid social interactions, experience nightmares, refuse to go to school, become aggressive toward siblings or pets, and seems different than it used to be, it’s time to consider seeking professional help.”
Professional help can take many forms and depends mainly on where you are. Some countries have dedicated anti-bullying organizations that offer resources, helplines, and advice for parents and children facing bullying. For example, if you are in the United States, you can visit StopBullying.gov (US), and in the United Kingdom, Kidscape.
Some countries have youth centers or non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that focus on children’s rights and well-being. Here, you can get counseling and other forms of support for your child.
Bullying is a complex problem. Helping your child through it can be a really challenging task, especially if both you and your child have to navigate a new, foreign environment. For this reason, it is very important not to reject help in any form it may come: community support, expat network, school, other parents and more.
