Coping with and overcoming the adversities of life, as is the case of having a loved one with a serious disease, generates suffering but, at the same time, it can make us grow internally and, often, change our scale of values and priorities.
This ability to overcome adverse situations and obtain better self-knowledge and life learning from it is characteristic of a resilient person. In this article we explain what resilience is and propose ten tips to build it.
What is resilience?
Resilience is built from the experience of emotional suffering and helps us maintain or improve mental stability in the face of stressful life situations. It is something that is often generated spontaneously, but there are strategies that can help us enhance it and that we can put into practice when we find ourselves in difficult life situations.
We cannot deny the existence of what is generated within us. The best thing to do is learn to recognize and manage these feelings and emotions. If they are not productive for our own well-being or for handling situations that are stressful to us, we must implement effective ways of managing them to try to limit their influence.
To enhance resilience you have to learn to identify, accept and manage emotions. In this process, the interpretation or assessment that we ourselves make of the situations we experience plays a key role, since our emotional reaction will normally derive from this interpretation.
It is important to be clear that it is not the situations themselves that define emotions, but the personal assessment we make of each situation. Often we cannot change the situations, but we can learn to modify the way we interpret them, as resilient people do.
Personal attributes that favor resilience
Some personal attributes favor resilience, for example, self-esteem, the ability to solve problems or social competence. It is also favored by the family and social support we have. In addition, a positive attitude will also promote our well-being and ability to improve. The key is to identify what works best for each one in order to develop your own strategies.
Decalogue of a resilient person
We present here ten tips to build resilience proposed by the American Psychological Association:
1.- Establish and maintain relationships
Good family and social relationships are an excellent source for obtaining and accepting help and support, enhancing resilience. We will also find opportunities to help others, something that, in turn, will also result in our personal well-being.
2.- Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems
Often, we can’t change the facts, but we can change the way we interpret and respond to them. As we indicated previously, we must try to limit the effect of non-productive emotions.
3.- Accept that change is part of life
Accepting that there are circumstances that we cannot change, such as Alzheimer’s disease in a loved one, can be of great help to focus on those that we can change and channel our efforts towards them.
4.- Head towards your own goals
It is important to set realistic goals and do something on a regular basis that brings us closer to them. Let us ask ourselves: “What can I do today (no matter how insignificant it may seem) to get closer to
one of my targets? For example: “Have a drink with a friend, as this will allow me to vent for a while and be able to share my experience.”
5.- Execute decisive actions
Act as much as possible on adverse situations to try to change your course, instead of avoiding them and trusting that they will resolve themselves.
6.- Encourage self-discovery
Often, going through difficult life situations brings with it a feeling of personal empowerment. Although we still feel vulnerable, these experiences can promote self-concept and our own abilities, which will lead us to appreciate aspects of life that we previously did not pay attention to or stop to analyze.
7.- Feed a positive vision of oneself
Develop confidence in our instincts and in our own abilities to solve problems.
8.- See things in perspective
Try to consider stressful situations in a broader context and with some objectivity, avoiding making a mountain out of a molehill.
9.- Keep hope
An optimistic attitude enables us to trust that good things will happen to us. Trying to visualize what you want is better than worrying about what you fear.
10.- Other useful ways to enhance resilience
Some people find it helpful to write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to traumatic events or situations that cause them a high level of stress. There are those who find meditation or spiritual practices of great help.
