Can the exciting journey of being an expat also encompass a “homecoming”? Living abroad poses unique challenges for couples. How do couples handle homesickness? Is it better to suppress your memories or relive them with a vacation at home? When is the ideal time to take a break?
First, let’s address a common misconception: returning home does not indicate failure. Living abroad can actually include travel back to your home country. An expatriate is not obligated to leave his or her homeland forever. If homesickness becomes too intense or if you long to reconnect with loved ones beyond just video calls, considering a trip home is wise. This desire to return from vacation doesn’t necessarily signal a problem. Sometimes, all is well, but the need to reconnect with your roots, memories and loved ones becomes a new priority.
However, it’s important not to rush your travel plans. Timing is crucial. Remember that you are not alone on this journey; consider your partner’s feelings about the move. Couples often experience life abroad differently. This is not unexpected, as even couples who are not expatriates face similar dynamics. You may live together, but you have different lives, personalities and approaches. Listen to both your needs and your partner’s needs.
You know it’s time to go home for a vacation when:
10-minute family conversations turn into 3-hour chats.
The frequency of calls increases from twice a week to twice a day.
You’re more up on the news in your home country than in your host country.
You have accumulated a fatigue that nothing seems to relieve.
You need to recharge with your loved ones.
You dream of your hometown.
All your vacation plans point back to your home country.
You want to take a step back to better appreciate the trip.
You want to reevaluate your decision to move abroad.
You miss your family and friends.
Balance expectations when planning your vacation.
Consider the necessary compromises before leaving for a homecoming vacation. You have decided to visit your family’s home, but how will the trip be organized? Will your partner accompany you? Are you both free to go on the dates you choose? Will you have the opportunity to visit both your family and your partner’s family? Keep in mind that it may not be possible to have the ideal vacation at the time you prefer. Review your overseas employment contract and understand your and your partner’s vacation entitlements.
How long do you plan to stay? Commitments are essential, depending on what your overseas employer allows. Also consider your partner’s schedule – could your vacation plans be delayed by a few months, would you prefer to leave immediately for a short period, even if alone, or wait to enjoy a longer break at home? All of these considerations require a clear understanding of your goals and listening to your own needs. Some expats are comfortable waiting years to arrange a long vacation with their partner in their home country, while others, overwhelmed by homesickness, opt for shorter, more immediate trips, sometimes traveling alone if schedules don’t align. There is no one-size-fits-all solution; the best plan will be the one that works for both you and your partner.
Dealing with homesickness as an expatriate partner
Sadness, discomfort, fatigue, feeling melancholy: no one is immune to homesickness, but outsiders often fail to understand this feeling. Living abroad is still widely perceived as an invariably idyllic adventure, burdened by persistent stereotypes about the expat lifestyle. Yet expats often face the same daily routines as everyone else: commuting, working, sleeping, just in a different environment. Rest assured that feeling homesick can be comforting as you remember the “good old days” fondly. But when nostalgia turns into melancholy, it can distort your perception of reality, making your expatriate life seem monotonous and joyless.
To combat homesickness, it’s crucial to open up. You have one significant advantage: your partner. You are not alone, and discussing your feelings is vital. Communication is not only essential to maintaining a relationsh
ip, but is particularly critical in expatriation. Share your emotions and seek support from your partner. Spend quality time together exploring new activities, socializing with friends and meeting new people in your host city. Maintain contact with loved ones back home. Use these experiences to evaluate your feelings of homesickness and, together with your partner, decide if it’s time to return home for a break.
Remember, returning home should not be viewed as a failure. Feeling guilty will only diminish your enjoyment of your visit. Instead, view these trips as a celebration: a welcome return to your roots that provides the perspective needed to continue your expatriation journey.
