When your fantastic adventure in a foreign country takes a wrong turn, your entire dream of living your expat life to the fullest can come crashing down. Discrimination can taint the entire experience, making your daily life unbearable. What should you do with your professional ambitions and your thirst for discovery? Does discrimination compromise your stay in the country as a whole? Should you stay or go?
Experiencing discrimination in a foreign country
In 2016, a French expat in Tokyo recounted her “first bad experience as a foreigner.” I was standing in the subway when the doors opened and a Japanese man wanted to enter, but hesitated. “He looked at me with a disturbing intensity. He seemed disgusted.” The man quickly headed to another car. She was sure he avoided entering through her.
Shocked, she realized that she had never experienced discrimination in France. “I’m white; I never had problems. Now I understand what others may feel. We often talk about this for black or brown immigrants, but I never applied it to myself, despite being an immigrant in Japan. I learned my lesson.” Despite this and other similar experiences in Japan, he did not question his stay. Weighing the pros and cons, he decided that these incidents of discrimination were not enough to drive her away. “I came to Japan to work and learn the language. I stayed until I achieved my goal.”
Now back in France after a couple of shorter trips to New Zealand and other European countries, he fondly remembers his time in Japan. “It was my first long stay abroad.” Although she faced other “minor unpleasant experiences” during her travels, nothing deterred her from traveling. “I think others go through much worse things on a daily basis. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of a sideways glance when others face really horrible things and can’t say anything.”
Recognizing discrimination as an expat
In fact, other expats endure much more difficult situations to handle on a daily basis. Discrimination can occur anywhere and at any time: on the street, in transportation or in the workplace. The challenge for foreigners is to first recognize it. It is not always obvious when you are being discriminated against.
In the workplace, for example, you might be tempted to accept generally unacceptable things or ignore “small slights” to stay on good terms with your employer. These problems may not even be related to being a foreigner, but rather to the technical aspects of the job. While the means of addressing these problems may vary (depending on the country’s laws against discrimination, labor abuses, etc.), the psychological damage can be significant. Discrimination is particularly insidious because it attacks the identity of the individual: expatriates are discriminated against because of their origin, gender, disability, etc. They are denied their identity, mocked and broken.
The long-term consequences of such an environment are evident. It is essential to recognize that discrimination does not have to be “dramatic” or frequent to be classified as such. Once discomfort sets in and daily life as an expat becomes onerous, it’s time to reflect. This necessary reflection is difficult, since the expatriate regularly faces these discriminations.
Taking perspective despite the challenges of being an expat
Reflection is crucial to making the right decision and not reacting “in the heat of the moment.” However, depending on the severity of the situation, immediate action is necessary for safety (contacting immigration services, for example), particularly in situations that threaten your physical and/or mental health, such as abuse, assault or psychological violence.
After identifying the causes of the discomfort, consider how much this feeling affects your daily life abroad:
– Has life become unbearable?
– Does the discomfort disappear or persist, even when you are not in uncomfortable situations?
– Can you still enjoy simple things in your expat city (walks in favorite neighborhoods, etc.)?
– Have you formed friendships or relationships? Do these relationships provide relief?
– Do you remember the first days of your move? Were you happy or not? How do you remember them today? Do you feel unhappy?
– Has your self-confidence been affected? Have you become fatalistic?
Persistent discomfort tends to overshadow everything, including joyful situations. When every day in the host country becomes difficult, you will obviously start to wonder if you should stay or go.
Stay or go: How do you decide?
Before answering this question, start with the right mindset: whether you decide to stay or leave, your life as an expat has not been a failure. Sometimes people stay for the wrong reasons. They want to show others that they are brave. They don’t want to be the ones who leave, but rather the ones who endure. This decision often has severe psychological and physical consequences because it means staying against your will. Likewise, going away with the mentality of being “the one who failed” is also not the right option.
Making the right decision means thinking about yourself first. What were your dreams then and how have they evolved? To rediscover them or create new ones, it might be wise to return home, move to another country, or even stay but remove yourself from the toxic environment (in cases of employment discrimination, for example). Whatever the decision, it must come with the support necessary to regain self-confidence and move forward.
