One of the great secrets for achieving what you want in life is to eliminate certain destructive thoughts that are so ingrained in your mind that you do not even know you have them. It is normal to feel doubts about your life, things do not always go as you want and we all are likely to make mistakes in love or at work. But there is a problem if you always expect the worst, maybe it is to protect your ego or avoid a painful downturn of confidence because of a possible failure, but in this way, you sabotage your opportunities.
How to get out of that hole? You must be alert to recognize those pessimistic phrases that we repeat on a daily basis and at the same time change your way of thinking so that it corresponds to your goals. In other words, “pretend” optimism.
“I am not a very sociable person”
Many people turn to this mental twist for explaining why they do not draw attention at parties, or keep people interested in their conversation. But almost always that is an excuse to avoid that rare sensation that we all experience when having to engage in dialog with strangers.
When you attribute it to your personality, you convince yourself that it is something that cannot be modified and that it is not your fault that you are not sociable. But the more you repeat it, the worse it will be for one’s social life, closing the doors to create friendships or have more appointments. If you reaffirm the idea that you are not popular then you will fall into a negative cycle.
First of all, you must understand that almost everyone is worried about having a conversation with strangers. When you realize that this is very common then you will not blame yourself if after a party, you do not go out with as many phone numbers in your pocket. Redefine the meaning of the word “popular” to reflect your personality more realistically. For example, you may not be by nature a “dancer”, or someone who works out contacts immediately in each social event attended, but maybe you find it easy to connect with one or two interesting people or even a possible future boss.
This is a way of thinking much more positive, and at the same time it will give you many more chances of success.
“If I cheer up, I ruin things”
For some strange superstition, sometimes you think you ruined an advance in your career or a date with a person you like, if you get too excited about the prospect. This is another sub conscience protection mechanism. The only way to not be disappointed when things do not go as expected, you think, is by silencing your emotions, the problem with this is that unconsciously you are saying to yourself that you do not expect a happy ending, what affects your motivation and frustrates the result. In addition, this negativity also influences others, if you expect a promotion and your boss sees your lack of passion, surely he will not give it to you.
Even though it is not smart to throw all your eggs in a single basket, your chances of success will increase if you feel enthusiastic. In other words, go ahead and daydream that this new flame will be your new partner, but do not pre-assume that it will be the only couple or the ideal one for the rest of your life. By unleashing your imagination, enthusiasm will motivate you and in this way there will be more likeliness in achieving your goal. And even if you fail, you will feel more alive and ready to try again.
“I hope not to have upset anyone”
Often a person is afraid to bother or impose our own judgment on other people. When you fear to offend or create inconveniences to others, you lock yourself in. For example you do not tell your parents that you would rather prefer to go to a dream vacation on you own instead of fulfilling the ritual of staying home this summer. The next time you are worrying about how something you do will affect others, you may want to ask yourself: Maybe this bothers someone, but does is that discomfort a valid reason to not go after what I want?
As long as you do not lie, cheat or inadvertently hurt others, you have a commitment to yourself for achieving the goals in your life. Start by convincing yourself that it is not your problem that others get upset. You do not have to be a crazy inconsiderate, but you should not always put aside your own happiness. If you think positively, you will live longer. Optimistic people live longer and are much healthier than negative people. It is your decision.